Requirement
2 continued
Lies
& intoxication
Lying
is yet another difficult precept to observe. This is because wrong speech comes
out so quickly that it is often too late to stop by the time you realise what
you have said. Besides, the real world we are living in revolves around lies,
either true lies or white lies. If people didn't lie, the world might stop
spinning!
A
straightforward lie often comes with fear and greed. Fear and greed are the two
feelings that lean against each other. If you want something so badly, you
might lie to get what you want. Once you have it, you are afraid of losing it.
The most common fears are fear of losing something in terms of material things
and fear of losing face in terms of ego and status. These two types of fear
cause people to lie through their teeth, which indeed is a very common
phenomenon in our modern society nowadays. It is a well-known fact that
salesmen and politicians are great liars. On the contrary, what makes a good
salesman and a good politician is honesty and integrity.
At
this stage it isn't at all easy to combat greed and especially fear. That's why
society is full of people who behave badly as far as untruthful behaviour is
concerned. Greed and fear can be dealt with by using wisdom and the practice
that you are about to start later on as you proceed along through this book.
In
the meantime, you have to focus on the goal that you want to pursue and do your
best to observe this precept, which obviously is not easy. Remember that you
have to be clean enough to walk the path. Learning to be truthful can take a
thick layer of dirt off the surface of your mind so that later on you can deal
with the more subtle dirt. It is encouraging to know that truthful words have
the most delicious taste. You feel good already before you tell the truth, you
feel very good while you are telling the truth and you feel even better after
you have told the truth. This is everything opposite to when you tell lies.
When you experience the delicious taste of speaking the truth, you'll be
encouraged by it and will get used to it in the end.
At
this stage you should really stop all kinds of untruthful words which directly
get other people into trouble. This is straightforward lies and cheating that
you should not find difficult to stop if you want to walk the path. Apart from
that, you have to use your own judgement and listen to your instincts of guilt
and shame again. If there is anything that you need to say while you hear the
echo in your head that tells you not to say it, you must hold back a bit. Give
it a good thinking through before you say it. Silence is a way to avoid saying
things that you don't want to say.
Telling
the truth is not always easy. It very much depends on whom you talk to and what
kind of character they are. Some people can face constructive criticism about
themselves like a pinch of salt, but some can't. Facing the truth is painful
and takes a great deal of courage. If you are the one who has to tell the truth
and your truthful words will definitely hurt someone especially those who are
close to you, such as the members of your own family or close friends etc.,
what should you do in such circumstances?
1)
Check your intention. You must want to point out the truth to someone because
you mean well to that person. It isn't because you want to humiliate the other
person and make that person lose face and feel small so that you will look
better. Always remember that facing the truth which reveals the negative side
of a person is always painful. No one wants to be humiliated for no good
reason. So, it is important that your good intention is genuine.
2)
Be tactful and choose the right time. If you are sure that your intention is
good, and you really mean well to the person, then you need to be tactful in
letting the person know the truth gently. The timing is also very important.
Talking in private can save humiliation. It is also important that you know
whether the person can handle the truth or not. If you know that the result
will be very damaging to the person's mind, you must weigh the pros and cons.
You have to be extremely tactful and absolutely sure that you can handle the
situation and have it under your control.
I
have made this mistake myself when I found out later that the person I
confronted with the truth could not handle it, became angry and resented me
very much. If the person does not want your help, it is his or her loss and not
yours. At least you have done your best. Apologise if you must and let the matter
be settled in a peaceful way, do it as best as you can. There is no definite
formula of how to do it; you just have to use your mentality and judgement to
work it out. Make sure that you have all the facts right.
3)
If you are the one who has to face the truth yourself, face the truth with
great courage and bravery. Listen carefully to what the person says. If it
isn't true because the facts are not right, do not get angry, explain in a calm
manner and end the matter in a peaceful way. Don't make that person feel guilty
and awkward. Smile and remain friendly. If the criticism is true, be thankful
and have gratitude towards that person who has good intentions towards you.
Regard that person as someone who points out a hidden treasure to you. If you
don't know your faults, how can you possibly improve yourself?. People who do
not want the best to happen to you will not waste their time to point out your
faults. They don't get anything in return for doing so, not to mention being
resented, should the person not like to hear the truth.
Although
white lies are harmless to people, I still think that it is better if you can
avoid them. Not to say anything can be an alternative to avoid white lies. White lies which help to bail people
out from embarrassment, awkwardness or to boost their confidence are quite
acceptable as long as they are not over the top. Trying to suck up to people by
saying untruthful things just to boost that person's ego so that you can gain
something is unacceptable. To enhance someone's confidence is noble but to
encourage someone's ego to flare up is damaging to both parties. Having a big
ego is not healthy as far as walking this path is concerned. You must care for
other people too and do your best in trying to keep their egos down. One day
that person might want to walk the path like you.
This
precept doesn't only mean untruthful speech but includes talking nonsense or
rubbish, making disparaging remarks, fault finding, being judgmental, having a
sharp tongue, swearing and so on. Talking nonsense and rubbish often comes with
excessive talking. If you want to observe this precept effectively, talking a
bit less can help enormously. Talking too much will allow you to make more
mistakes as far as false speech is concerned. Be aware of what you are going to
say. If you feel uncomfortable about what you are going to say because it is
not totally true although it is harmless, it is better not to say it. Don't
make any promises that you cannot keep.
There
is however another type of lying that can be justified as moral. Your speech
can be totally untruthful but you do it for good reason. You do it not for your
own benefit but for others. In the real world, apart from having people lie
through their teeth to save their own skin, it is delightful to see that there
are also people who say virtuous lies to save someone from embarrassment or to
protect someone from getting into trouble. This kind of lie can be morally
justified as long as the result of that lie causes no trouble to anyone
whatsoever.
This
story was told by the late teacher Tang Mor Seing. It happened in ancient
China.
Once
there was a young man who was serving his apprenticeship far away from home.
Young men would learn their trades and skills by living with the person who
took them on and there was no payment in return. Ar Peng had been serving his
printing apprenticeship for two years. Three days away from the Chinese New
Year, his kind owner said to him:
"Well,
Ar Peng, you have been working with me for two years now and you haven't gone
home yet. You told me that your mother has arranged a girl for you to be
married. Why don't you go home and spend the New Year with your family and
probably you can get married too."
Ar
Peng answered:
"It
is very kind of you sir to let me go home but I think that I will wait another
two years. Once I finish the apprenticeship with you, I can work for you for a
year to earn some money and then I will go so that I can have enough money to
give to my parents as well as spend on my wedding."
"That
is not a problem. I will give you 300 yuan as a gift for the New Year. This
should cover your journey for you to spend the New Year with your parents and
probably it is enough for you to get married too," the kind man suggested
and handed Ar Peng a red envelop containing 300 yuan.
Ar
Peng was very happy and touched by the kind gesture of his old boss. He
expressed his gratitude and set off for a long journey on the next morning. It
was a two days' walk and he had to check in at a local inn and spend a night
there. That evening, after he had his meal, he sat outside the inn and had a
chat with one of the local old men. To his surprise, he heard a sound like
someone crying and sobbing. At first, he was a bit unsure and listened a bit
more carefully. He then asked the old man whether he had literally heard a
crying noise or not.
"Oh
yes, you heard it all right. Shame...it is such a sad story."
The
old man shook his head with despair and continued with his story.
"The
crying sound comes from that house. A mother-in-law and a young daughter-in-law
with her four-year-old son are crying because they will be separated tomorrow.
The son left them when the boy was still a baby. There was news at first but
suddenly it stopped. They spent all their savings to keep the family alive but
the money ran out a few months ago. They had to go to the loan shark in the
village to borrow some money hoping that they could pay back when the son would
send some money home. They kept on waiting all these months but there is still
no news from the son. Now, tomorrow the loan shark will come to take the mother
of the child away as a means to pay off their debt. That's why they are sobbing
terribly now because the family will be parting."
Ar
Peng attentively listened to the tragic story of this family. He then asked the
old man about the son's name and the reason he went away.
"Well,
in fact the son was a clever educated man and he went away to search for a
fortune. It could be the war that stopped him from sending news and money. Who
knows?"
Ar
Peng made an excuse to get away from the old man and disappeared into his room.
An hour later, he came out with a letter in his hand and he walked straight to
the house where the women were crying. He knocked on the door. The older woman
came to open the door with her eyes all puffed up.
"Sorry
to bother you. You don't know me but I have a message from Tay Toh Hui. I
believe that he is your son. Well, someone has passed on this letter to me with
this red envelope when he knew that I was passing this village. The person
asked me to deliver this letter to you," Ar Peng said gently to the old
woman.
The
old woman opened the letter and found that it was written by her son. In the
letter, the son said sorry to his mother, his wife and son that he hadn't been
able to get in touch for a long time because of the war. He had however made a
trip to a foreign land and would return home soon. In the meantime, he had made
contact with his friend and arranged to send 300 yuan for the family to spend.
The
old woman shared the good news with her daughter-in-law and they were elated
with great relief that they would have enough money to pay back the debt and
tie them over for some time. They both said thank you to Ar Peng for bringing
them the good news and never suspected anything.
Indeed,
Ar Peng had forged the letter and also gave away his New Year money to the
family who were desperately in need of someone's help. He then realised that he
didn't have the money to go home for the New Year. He decided to go back to his
boss and concocted a story that he was robbed of all his money during the
journey and he was willing to stay on working for his boss. His boss didn't
suspect anything and told him not to worry about the money.
A
year later, Ar Peng was offered by his kind boss again to return home. He
repeated his journey he did a year ago and once again he checked into the same
inn. He was unaware that he was spotted by the old lady with whom Ar Peng had
had a brief encounter. Later on that evening, a respectable man in his early
thirties approached him and asked him to write a few words on a piece of paper.
After the man had looked at the words on the paper, he asked Ar Peng whether he
had come to stay in this inn the year before. Ar Peng said yes. Right away, the
respectable man was on his knees and paid respect to Ar Peng who was only in
his early twenties. Everyone was taken by surprise by the event. The
respectable man was indeed Tay Toh Hui who then told the people in the inn that
this man had saved his family from separation the year before. It was time for
him to show his gratitude to this young man.
He
asked Ar Peng home to see his mother, wife and son who also kow towed to him
with great respect. The house was more prosperous compared to a year before.
That was because three months after Ar Peng had left the letter and money for
the ladies, the son had actually come home with a big fortune. He had gone away
to a foreign land and hit lucky. Ar Peng's lies had turned out to be a blessing
to the family. The family offered Ar Peng a big sum of money to start his own
business. Ar Peng refused at first and said that he had to pay back his
gratitude to his boss. Without the kindness of his boss, he wouldn't have had
the 300 yuan to give to the old lady in the first place. Then, Ar Peng told his
side of the story.
Finally,
Ar Peng went back to his home town and married the bride chosen for him by his
mother. With the generosity of Tay Toh Hui, he then set up his own printing
business and asked his kind old boss to retire so that he could look after him
alongside his own family.
This
precept is also another very difficult one to observe in our modern society
where drinking alcohol is indeed part of the culture. You naturally want to
know how exactly you can observe this precept if you are keen to have a drink
from time to time. I put the stress on drinks because it is the mainstream
culture but in fact, this precept includes taking all kinds of intoxicant.
However, using some kinds of alcoholic drink as well as some forms of drugs for
medical and health reasons is the exception as far as this precept is
concerned.
Maybe
you can answer for yourself if you know why the Buddha strongly advised people
to abstain from intoxicants. That is because the path that you are about to
take has everything to do with having self-awareness. The end of this path is
the nature of claiming back full awareness. The different levels of enlightenment
mean the different levels of having self-awareness. Then you can understand
that taking intoxicants of any sort will take away the different degrees of
self-awareness from mild to total consciousness. This will slow down your
practice or even put you in jeopardy of losing the path altogether. This path
is about trying to claim back the self-awareness that we have lost in just
living our lives.
As
a matter of fact, this precept is the most serious one among the five
fundamental precepts. Once you lose your consciousness, you can easily violate
the other four precepts without your knowing. People can easily engage in
indecent and offensive acts which they would not do when they were sober. We
have seen and heard enough of such examples. You require to be sober if you
seriously want to walk the path. It is as simple as that.
I
can understand that it can be rather difficult or almost impossible to follow
this precept especially if you have the social status where you have to observe
social protocol of which having a social drink is a big part. In this case, you
have to answer for yourself. I can never understand and be part of the drinking
culture. To me, the taste of any alcoholic drink is unpleasant and horrible. I
cannot share the nice taste and feeling people enjoy when they have their
drinks. So, I cannot talk much about it. However, I certainly will not make you
feel guilty because you need to have a social drink from time to time. You have
to know your own limit. Moderation is important.
Although
this precept is difficult to follow, I do believe that if you are serious about
walking this path and were interested in my previous books before you got to
this one, you should have certain qualities inside you already and drinking heavily
is not one of them. I can be quite certain of that. People who are badly
crossed over this precept cannot grasp my words anyway let alone practising it.
Consequently, they cannot understand and will not come this far.
Although
there are only five precepts to follow you can see that they are easier said
than done. No precept is easy to follow. If they were that easy to do, this
world wouldn't be in this mess.
At
this stage, I would like you to do your best. I don't expect you to be whiter
than white. At the same time I don't want you to make too many excuses
either. Follow your instincts of
shame and guilt. These feelings are placed in you by nature so that you don't
badly cross over the moral thresholds. If you have done anything that makes you
feel ashamed and guilty, learn from your mistake and try not to do it again. We
all make mistakes. The point is you must get something out positively from the
lesson and start again. Of course, it will be difficult but you must not give up.
I can only console you that once you enter the journey to the innocent world,
all these difficult tasks will be made easier but it is very important that you
do your best as far as the five moral precepts are concerned.
All
the unsettled questions about moral issues will be clarified when you can
literally see the innocent world. There is no point in explaining and getting
involved in excessive and philosophical talking at this stage because it isn't
easy to talk and to understand. Just remember that every answer concerning the
universe we are living in can be found in the innocent world or the ultimate
truth. So, in the meantime, just follow the simple guidelines of observing the
five moral precepts as I have explained.