Requirement five
Dealing with death
To
most people, the thought of death is one of the most fearful feelings. This is
because we all love our lives so dearly. I want to talk about death in this
chapter and make it into another requirement because it will be easier for you
to walk this path if you have no fear of death. As a matter of fact, the fear
of death can be taken away by thinking and viewing life a bit differently.
Theoretically
speaking, you cannot be afraid of anything that you have never experienced
before. For instance, you know that fire is hot because you have had the
experience of the burning sensation in the past. Consequently, you stay away
from fire because you are afraid of getting burned again. Death is something
you have never experienced before and you have no idea what it is like.
Therefore, you should have no fear of death. The fearful feelings that most
people associate with death are in fact the fear of the pain, the suffering,
the hospitalisation, the treatment and so on prior to death. Those are not the
feelings of death itself. They are the feelings of illness which is another
fact of life. Pain and suffering resulting from illnesses are something that we
can all relate to because we have had a taste of them sometime in our life or
if not, we have seen other people go through such suffering. As a result, we
are afraid of the pain and suffering which bring the subsequent death.
It
is quite correct for some people to say that they are not afraid of dying but
have more fear of how they are going to die. This can lead to a few more
examples about tragic death and the suffering prior to death.
The
increasing rate of crime in our society nowadays causes people to feel insecure
and uncertain. Walking along a street or even living in your own home, everyone
has an equal chance of being attacked, mugged, stabbed, set fire to, shot and
murdered either by strangers or someone as close as your own parents, children
and partners. Even though the chance of this happening is one in a million, the
sad truth is that it happens. This is a fact of life in this day and age. We
used to think that children and old people were safe enough. It was very
unlikely for anyone even a criminal to hurt children and old people. It isn't
true any more because a murderer nowadays can be as young as six years of age
and the victims can range from a two-year-old toddler to someone ninety years
of age. (There was a case in one of the Scandinavian countries, could be Finland,
when two six-year-old boys attacked and killed a girl of the same age in the
playground). Many good innocent people, regardless of sex and age, have become
victims of various crimes and were inflicted a great deal of pain and suffering
before they died. This gives us enough reasons to be afraid of how we might be
victims ourselves and subjected to a great deal of pain and suffering before
death.
If
not crime, political upheaval, suppression, anarchy and terrorism can also
bring a great number of innocent people to their death. This is the kind of
circumstance that anyone can be caught up in. Theoretically speaking, as far as
terrorism is concerned, no one is safe on earth. You could be having a pint of
beer in you local pub, dining with your family in your favourite restaurant, be
a tourist in an exotic holiday resort or sitting comfortably on a plane, and
suddenly all hell can break lose. Before you know anything, you could be one of
the victims among all the carnage resulting from a terrorist attack. In war-torn countries, innocent people
are put to death in mass numbers. Under such circumstances, it is very likely
that torturing the victims happens before death finally comes to greet them.
In
a lesser degree, you could be involved in some horrific accidents, being caught
up in some tragic incident or natural disaster when you are subjected to a
great deal of pain and suffering before death.
If
you happen to have led a dodgy and immoral life in the past until you have
plenty of reasons to believe that you might be in danger of being taken
captive, imprisoned, revenged, tortured and so on, it is quite reasonable for
you to be afraid of the pain and suffering prior to your death. In such
circumstances, the thought of death might be a great relief and a blessing to
you compared to the pain and suffering that might be inflicted upon you.
These
are all kinds of tragic death that could happen to anyone and anywhere and give
us enough reasons to be afraid from time to time.
The
reason in writing this chapter is for you to understand death and have no fear
of it. If you are really afraid that prior to death you might be involved in a
great deal of pain, suffering, treatment, hospitalisation or might be caught up
in some terrible tragic death and so on, at this stage I would like to put your
mind at rest by saying that you might be able to arrange a good death,
especially if you are still young. I fully realise that it does sound
absolutely outrageous to even suggest something like that. Some of you might
think right away that I am talking about arranging a suicide pact like some
cult movement. No, absolutely not. As a matter of fact, committing suicide no
matter how good the method one uses, is definitely not a good death.
What
I mean by arranging a good death has everything to do with following the
guidelines in this book and especially with the belief in the law of action or
kamma. I cannot go into any detail yet, not until you read the following
chapter when I will tell you exactly what you can do to arrange a good death.
In the meantime, I just want to put your mind at ease and let you know that
there might be something that you can do about it. You can see for yourself
that in the real world not everyone has to suffer before they die. Some people
can leave this world very painlessly and peacefully. At the moment, just know
that you should not be afraid of death and look forward to finding out what you
can do to secure yourself a good death. What a thing to look forward to?!!!
I
said earlier that you cannot possibly be afraid of something that you have
never had any experience of before, such as death. Then, I went on to explain
that your fear is more likely to be linked with the pain and suffering prior to
death and not the actual death itself. I even went a bit further in trying to
pacify your mind by suggesting that you might be able to arrange a good death.
Although you may understand all that and manage to take away some fear relating
to facing pain and suffering, you might find that the fear of death is still
there. If it is so, it is very likely that you are afraid of the uncertainty,
the mystery and the unknown which lies beyond your physical death.
At
this point, those who have strong faith either in God or in the big Zero will
be able to handle this type of fear better. If you believe in God and are a
good enough person, you know that you will be in the hands of God after you
die. It is a comforting thought that can take away this ultimate fear. If
however you believe that you will turn into the big Zero of voidness where
there is no heaven nor hell waiting to greet you, you can also feel at ease
because you know that everything will melt into zero anyway. Whatever the truth
is, we don't know. Therefore, the two extreme beliefs above are rather similar
in the sense that they both can take away your fear of death at some stage of
your life.
Nevertheless,
not everyone can manage to inject such strong beliefs in their heads and stick
with them. Even the strong believers who are a minority can waver at some
point. The majority of people still have fear of the unknown, similar to the
way that we have fear of the darkness. This fear cannot be easily taken away.
I
would be a total fool if I told you that I know what lies beyond our physical
death. I do not know. I can only say that if you are lucky enough to pass all
the requirements in this book and can truly work on the guidelines later until
you have a glimpse of the innocent world or the ultimate reality, by then, you
will be able to think and deal with death as a pinch of salt. I think this is
the most we can do for ourselves as far as death is concerned. I know that it
is possible too. I can say this because it has happened to me. I had the fear of
death just like anyone else before I knew the innocent world. Now, I can
honestly say that I have no fear anymore and this has everything to do with the
truth I see right in front of me. This is not a far-fetched truth at all. Among
devout Buddhists, it is a well known fact that all Pra Arahants look forward to
their death just like normal people look forward to winning the national
lottery. Now, this is something that you cannot work out by using logic or
reasoning because there is none. At this stage, you just have to take my word
for it. If I can do it, I am sure you can do it as well, if not better.
One
way to take away the fear of death is by trying to view it as a natural event.
Birth, aging, illness and death are the natural life cycle that no one can opt
out of. All life forms come and go all the time. Try to think that everyone in
the past died and everyone on earth right now will die all the same and
everyone who comes in the future will die too.
Once,
there was a Chinese family of four generations who went to see a famous
fortune-teller on the 90th birthday of the great grandfather. The family
expected the fortune-teller to say all the good and approved words and bless
the lucky family to continuously have great fortune, health and prosperity. The
old fortune-teller looked at the big extended family, smiled and pointed to
each age group of the members beginning from the oldest to the youngest and
subsequently said:
"You die first, you die next, you die after and you die last."
The
family was dumbfounded and asked for an explanation. The fortune-teller asked
the grandfather calmly:
"Do you wish this baby to die before you?"
All
the elder members of the family simultaneously shook their heads. The
fortune-teller said jokingly:
"Well, then. If you can all die according to your age, that is a
great fortune for your family. Can you agree with that?"
Many
years ago, on British television, there was a programme call Beyond the Cloud
which showed the day to day life of people in Lijieng, China. Among the few
families and people that they filmed, there were four old ladies who spent a
lot of time together chatting and catching up with gossip. One of the old
ladies sadly talked about her past and said:
"I have gone
through so much hardship and suffering during the war and the famine. I can now
put all those behind me and look forward to my death."
The
way that those old ladies talked about death was so natural: it is indeed
something that we should all look forward to and be rather relaxed about. This
attitude is very much the same as my parents. Many years ago, my father, in his
late seventies, sent me some photographs. It looked like a day of a big family
outing when they had a picnic with all the children. In the letter my dad told
me that he and the family were looking for a good spot for his burial ground!
My dad has been dead for five years now. The Chinese have a festival called
"sweeping the tombs" some time in April. This is the time when most
Chinese families will go to visit the tombs of their ancestors. They will pay
respect to their ancestors by preparing all the good foods for offerings in
front of the shrine right at the burial ground. After that, it is very much
like a family picnic when all the family members will eat and enjoy a day out
together. Above all, it is a day to remember their parents and grandparents. My
family too have followed that tradition ever since my father was buried in that
piece of land he chose for himself. It was a big family outing followed by a
trip to the nearby waterfall. Living far away from home, I do miss being part
of this family tradition. I think that it is a very good tradition to keep on.
Younger generations can still have some link with their ancestors by keeping
this tradition alive.
I
went back to Thailand over three years ago on my father's first anniversary.
There was one evening when my mom, eighty years of age, was surrounded by five
of her seven children and a few grandchildren, and we all chatted about this
and that in a very cosy atmosphere. A while later, the whole conversation was
shifted to talk about my mother's funeral. My mom told us exactly how she
wanted her funeral to be. She was very relaxed and feeling at ease about the
whole issue. Three months after that family gathering and seven weeks after I
had returned to England, my mom passed away. We gave our dearest mother a good
send off, exactly the way she had asked us to do.
This
is what I mean by viewing death as a natural event. I think the culture which
we belong to has a lot to do with the way we view death. Eastern people are
more open and feel more at ease about this issue than western people. It is
undoubtedly the direct impact of Buddhism. The British are not very good at
talking about death at all. They would rather sweep it under the carpet and
deal with it when it comes.
Death
is a deal which comes together with birth. They are two sides of the same coin.
They are the same but with different faces and lean against each other. Where
there is birth, there is death, always. If you can view it as a very natural
event, it can help you to reduce some fear. I don't know why I want to compare
death to childbirth. When I was a girl, I couldn't imagine how a woman could
give birth to a baby. I was terrified of such a thought in the same way that I
was terrified of death. When I was expecting my first baby, that fear was still
there. Then, I tried to reason with myself by thinking that all women in the
past have gone through childbirth as well as women now and in the future.
Giving birth is something women have to do all the same. It is a natural thing after
all. If other women could do it, so could I. Just get on with it! I encouraged
myself. That nature of thinking did help me to have less fear of childbirth. I
don't know whether it is any consolation or not. Maybe you can think in the
same way with death - a natural event, just get on with it. I might be the only
person in the world who tries to advise people to view death in the same way as
going through childbirth! I don't know whether you can see any logic in there
or not. My apologies to men and women who cannot benefit from this advice!
The
fear of death is relevant depending on your age and status. No one wants to die
young, of course. If you are however old and have poor health, you might be
surprised that you will look forward to your death just like that old Chinese
lady I mentioned above. Those who have a comfortable and good life do not want
to die too quickly either, because they want to cling on to what they have. But
those who have to struggle on a day to day basis let alone making ends meet,
might want to welcome an early death if it could help to end all misery,
suffering and hardship.
People
can get whatever they want out of a film. To me, Titanic was a particularly
good film because it depicted a true event which could easily happen to anyone
anywhere, even now. When death is inevitable and only a few breaths away, you
have a choice of either accepting it and getting on with it just like going
through childbirth, or you let fear take you over and try to run away from the
claw of death as best as you can. No matter what your choice is, the end result
is the same - death. Now, think very carefully, if you were in such
circumstances where there is absolutely no escape, what is the best choice?
Would you rather be like the captain, the designer of the unsinkable ship, the
old couple who lie together in bed, the mother who also tucked all her young
children away in bed, the musicians or the priest with all his faithful
worshippers who were prepared and ready to die with dignity and with some
degree of peace? Or you would rather do your best to struggle with a glimpse of
hope to survive, be totally terrified, despairing, fight for your last breath
and live your last moment of life with absolute terror. I know that it isn't
much of a choice to choose from but if you must choose, what option would you
like to go for? What a question to ask people, you can't help thinking.
Well,
this is the truth and a fact of life which can happen to anyone at all. I do
not view it as a curse, an omen or some bad luck if I want to talk about it. I
can only see the healthy side in talking about such unexpected situations
because the truth is that we just do not know what is around the corner. Life
is full of pitfalls and you have no way to know when it will be your turn for
unforeseen situations. This should
make you think twice about life in general and try to understand life a bit
better. All my work and this book are trying to do just that - help you to
understand life so that you can make the most out of it and possibly to reduce
some fear of death.
And
if I must answer the above question concerning the two options about how I
would choose to die, I would undoubtedly choose to die with some degree of
peace. I am sure that at the bottom of everyone's heart, we all wish to die in
peace, but that doesn't mean that our wish can always be granted. At this
stage, I just want to put your mind at rest by telling you that maybe your wish
can be granted after all. I will tell you exactly what you can do if you want
to leave this world as peacefully as possible. I know it sounds outrageous
again but this is something that I can really promise you. What you have to do
right now is try to pass all the requirements and carefully follow the
guidelines of this book. By the time you finish with them, you will know
exactly what to do to secure a peaceful death for yourself. Once again, please
understand that I do not talk about suicide.
While
most people like to assume that no one wants to die, there is indeed a group of
people who certainly don’t think so. Euthanasia or mercy killing is a subject
that has been debated widely in the past decade and the supporters have been
trying so hard to legalise this action. There are indeed people who want to die
in real life. Holland is the first country in the world to legalise euthanasia
(December 2000) although mercy killing has been practised illegally since 1973.
More than 3000 people were helped to die by Dutch doctors last year including
an 89-year-old who was not ill but merely said he was ‘tired of life’.[1]
In the same article was a moving story of a 46-year-old mother who had four
children and had been suffering from MS. She said: “The news from Holland gave
me such hope. Now people like me who want to choose the time of their death are
at last pushing to an open door. When the game is up, you must have the right
to leave the field. I will know when enough is enough and I want the right to
say so. I know that the God I love is compassionate and won’t hold an act of
euthanasia against me.” She has already planned the kind of death she wants and
speaks about it the way people talk about a wedding.
When
I said we don’t know what is round the corner, the above story of this mother
is exactly what I meant. When we have good health, we all want to cling to life
but we are all potential victims to illnesses. Not until we are putting up with
the pain and suffering ourselves can we truly welcome death with open arms. I
also think of the recent great discovery of humankind, the Human Genome Project
which can offer a human life span of up to 1000 years. To me, it is more of a laughing
issue and shows the lack of wisdom about life. The 89-year-old person who was
helped to die by a Dutch doctor can sum up this whole issue about the Human
Genome Project. I also believe that many old people think so too but they don’t
have enough courage to admit that they have had enough of life. When the Buddha
says life is suffering, he really means life is suffering. It is a matter of
time before you can truly see it.
I
myself have no objection to euthanasia. Think of this following story: a father
and son went mountain climbing and the son fell off the cliff. The branch of a
tree went straight through his chest. He was in great pain and it was a matter
of time before he died. He begged his father for help. How could you help your
son if you were in such situation? You know that your son has no chance to
survive and he has to die anyway. You can help your son by quickly ending his misery and
shooting him dead, or you think that life is too precious and you must prolong
his life which prolongs his suffering. We can be quite hypocritical because we
have done mercy killing to animals for a long time. We are kind to animals and
we want to put an end to their misery and suffering. I see no reason why we
cannot be kind to our own human race too. I think if we can really work out a
way to practise euthanasia without it being abused, I see no reason why it
should not be legalised. This means that the doctor or relative who wants to
carry out this act must set their mind on the compassionate level and really
want to help the patient to end their pain. The patients themselves also must
prepared to leave this world in a very peaceful manner. If euthanasia can be
practised legally, this can be arranged for the patients. However, I can also
understand that this practice can be easily abused by people who are not
genuine.
As
a matter of fact, if we don’t have modern technology, euthanasia won’t even
come into it because it won’t happen. This issue does not exist in the poor
countries; I am sure because they don’t have the ICU culture. Without the
modern drugs and ICU, very sick patients will die quite naturally. Euthanasia
only comes into it because sick patients are not allowed to die naturally. Thai
people in the past who had a close link with the Buddhist practice all had to
prepare for their death in a very natural way. When they reached their old age
and illness arrived, they would refuse any hospitalisation and medicine. Then,
they would refuse food. When they began to refuse water, it meant that they
were quite ready to leave this world.
When
there is no real wisdom, people tend to think that saving life is good. So, as
long as we can keep this heart thumping, this should be the good and right
thing to do. As a result, we bend over backwards to save lives and we don’t
allow very sick patients to die quickly. The trouble is that as long as people
don’t know the true value of life, keeping the heart going is not really the
answer of saving life. We have a misconception about living, immortality and
eternity, because we like to link such words with this physical body which is
quite wrong. Wise people would know exactly how to live and how to die. I will
not confuse you at this stage. Nevertheless, by the time you finish with this
book, you will have a much better idea that this physical death is really
nothing to worry about. What is much more frightening is the lack of knowledge
about the true meaning of life and the cycle of rebirth.
Facing
death is the loneliest experience on earth. No one can possibly share such
feelings with you. Even if your most beloved person is holding your hand and
tells you to be brave, you still have to face death alone and leave this world
alone.
Knowing
how to handle that short moment just prior to death is a skill that you can
learn while you are living. This has everything to do with your next
incarnation if there is any at all. If there is truly a spirit which survives
your physical death and you have to move on to the next dimension, whatever you
want to call it, it means that there are indeed heaven and hell waiting to
greet you. You just have to make sure that you are going to a good place. You
don't want to go to hell, do you? I don't think anyone wants to go to hell
unless they are forced to.
This
made me come up with a bizarre idea of how to prepare my Tai Chi students to
face the moment right before death arrives. Indeed, there is something that you
can do in the meantime before you can actually engage in any meditation
practice later on. I let my students practise what I call 'death drill'. I know
it must give you the creeps and sounds absolutely horrendous to you.
You
will either like it or hate it. I do not introduce it to my beginner's class
unless it is towards the end of the term when they have trained with me for
some time. Even so, I used to wipe away almost the whole class by just talking
about this issue. This made me realise how fragile western people are as far as
death is concerned. Nevertheless, I also had some very positive responses in my
advanced class when my students told me that this drill could help them to
overcome the fear of death. Once, one of my students whose name was Christopher
from Austin, Texas, even cheerfully requested me to play this game when I was
about to skip to do something else in class. It must be very difficult for you
to imagine what I do with my students in class. Apart from Tai Chi, I do all
sorts of other things too from hockey-cokey to death drill!!! Never mind, this
is what I do with the death drill.
Suppose
at this moment you are my student and you are taking part in this death drill
with me. First of all, please lie down and choose the position that you want to
die in so that you can improvise an inevitable situation when death is only two
minutes away. Close your eyes and imagine that there are only two whole minutes
left in your life. There is no escape from death, you have to go through with
it and that is final. Let's assume further that you are so lucky that your
death involves no physical pain at all or as little pain as possible and you
are not in a coma either. Therefore, you still have all your consciousness in
full.
Naturally,
there will be so many thoughts and feelings that will pour into your head
during those two minutes. Among them are the fear and the worry towards all
your loved ones you are about to leave behind in this world. If you are a very
kind and caring person, this fear might take over the fear of death itself. If
this happens, you must tell yourself to let go first because there is nothing
you can do about it now. Your loved ones will find their own ways to live and
survive. To be able to let go at this stage means that you have practised
letting go while you are living up to the point of death. If you have never
learnt to let go before, it is very unlikely that you can let go just prior to
your death. So, when I told you to let go, I assumed that you have learnt to
let go of things before. If you have read all my work and probably engaged in
the practice too, you would have learnt to let go to some degree. When death is
two minutes away, to be able to remind yourself to let go of all your loved
ones and everything else is very important. This will prepare you for a good
death and send you to a better realm of incarnation if there is any at all.
If
you however don't seem to worry about anything else but the fear of death, you
must think in the way I guided you to do in this chapter. Tell yourself that
death is a natural event, everyone has to go through it sooner or later. Now it
is your turn, you are going to face it with great courage.
I
asked you to let go and view death as a natural event so that you can regain
your self-control as quickly as possible. Then, follow these guidelines,
whatever is applicable to you.
1) If you are a devout Christian and have
a strong belief in Christ and God, you must focus your mind on either 'Christ'
or 'God' by repeating that word until the last breath of your life comes.
2) If you are a Buddhist, you can either
repeat the word 'Buddha' or 'Arahant'. Keep on chanting that word until the
last breath of your life comes.
3) If you are a great believer in the big
Zero, you must focus your mind on that ZERO, emptiness or voidness.
4) If you have no belief whatsoever, don't
let your mind float around, fully focus on your breath until the last moment
arrives.
5) If you cannot do any of the above and
have too much fear, chant the phrase 'have no fear, go back to nature'.
Although
it is a bit premature to tell you the above, I think it is necessary. I try to
do my best to prepare you for the best and the worst. I put down the above
guidelines just in case that in between now and before you can get the hang of
the actual practice, you might have to face death quite unexpectedly. The truth
is that we just do not know what is around the corner. Should death be inevitable,
at least you have some idea of how to handle that last moment of your life. You
must not be complacent and so certain that nothing will happen to you. So
please bear this in mind. I will be able to write clearer guidelines in the
next chapter after I have talked about the law of kamma. The above guidelines
will at least help you in the meantime.
The
purpose of this whole chapter is to try to help you to understand death, how to
deal with it and perhaps reduce the fear of death. I personally think that if I
have no fear of death, what else should I be afraid of? I wouldn't be afraid of
being poor, aged, having terminal illness and so on. Taking away that ultimate
fear is like lifting a whole mountain off my chest. Then, I can deal with
everything when it comes. If the worst comes to the worst when I must face
death, I will go through with it just like facing childbirth. I will make sure
that I will leave this world as peacefully as possible and do all the things I
told you above. In fact, I have done it some thirteen years ago when I thought
that I was going to die. It will make life a bit easier, I suppose. That's why
I make this chapter as a requirement because it can help your walking the path
later on. It is better if you can walk with a light (less heavy) heart. As far
as death is concerned, I really hope that you can feel a bit more at ease and
relaxed after reading this chapter.